Contemporary Chinese youth face tensions between self-realization and family obligation amid rapid social change and individualization, yet their subjective experiences remain underexplored. Drawing on semi-structured in-depth interviews with 31 Chinese young adults aged 18–35, this study examines how young people understand and develop a sense of “being oneself,” negotiate self-identity through intergenerational conflict, and envision future life paths. Using thematic analysis, the study finds that participants understood “being oneself” through autonomy, responsibility, independence, and relational boundary-setting. Intergenerational conflict centred on marriage, career choices, authority, and gender expectations. While peer support facilitated self-development, traditional norms and structural pressures often constrained it. Rather than reflecting Western-style individualism, the findings suggest a form of relationally negotiated individualization in which autonomy is pursued without severing family relationships. The study contributes to the localization of individualization theory in China and offers practical implications for supporting young people navigating tensions between self-development and family expectations.